Online dating is high stakes gambling at its finest. Yet nothing is more dicey than the first date…and that’s where the best dating horror stories are born. This particular real life example was the ultimate first date fail. However, it is chock-full of lessons for both men and women. If you want to avoid complete online first date failure, read on. If nothing else, it makes for pretty awesome lunch-break entertainment.
What not to do (ever) on a First Date:
These moves don’t work. They just don’t—they never will. These things that every online dating article make no mention of, at all. On the contrary, the guy in this story followed every single step that he read in every Men’s Health Dating Tips article. How do I know? He told me.
Never Trust An Antique Dealer
After 10-months of solitude spent recovering from the total destruction of my heart and mind, I joined the lonely ones online hoping for a miracle, expecting only to waste my time.
What I never expected was what I got on my first venture.
It started with the incoming texts. This guy apparently thought I was the most beautiful of beings ever to grace the planet. Nice and all, but, c’mon…at this point they were just pictures, which for all he knew, weren’t even of me. He asked my preferences, my likes, my tastes, my hates. Still put-off, I went along and agreed to meet him. For all I knew this was normal online dating etiquette and I just needed to adapt. The few images he had boasted a tattooed, well-built, clean-shaven bad-boy. A bad boy who happened to own an antique shop. Though not one for tattoos, and full sleeves at that, I admit the combination intrigued me.
If they arrive first, don’t let them come out to greet you
Finding a spot to park was a challenge. Luckily the owner of the small swanky Scottsdale restaurant himself led me up to the side of the building. Before I could get out of my car to thank him, an overjoyed little man with a beaming grin and sparkling eyes still had me a little confused – until I saw the tattoos.
Yep. Clearly though, this man was no taller than 5’5″. In a stupefied daze I followed him to our table. He gifted me on the spot with a dozen roses. On my seat, a Queen of Hearts playing card. Engraved with Sharpie read the words…
“Our First Date – 10/15/2015”.
Do NOT ask him to explain the meaning behind his tattoos
Hoping for a miracle…still, I asked him about his antique shop. He told me about the junkyard he helped run with his dad. I asked about the winged markings on his forearm to which he raise his arms and screamed a crazy chant of protection. “Oh, okay, I get it, I get it,” I lied. A text from my best friend lit up my phone. I nonchalantly took it to my lap and replied “He’s crazy…I need to get away ASAP.” He inquired about the text. “Oh, nothing…just my friend checking on me.”
“What did you say?”
“Uh, I told her everything was fine.”
Umm, is this really happening to me??
I said I had to use the bathroom. In a rush, I grabbed my purse, went in the bathroom and immediately searched through it for my phone. I forgot it at the table!! Keys in hand, I headed back to the horror show. He was standing in front of my seat…holding my phone. “I’m crazy?! You said I’m crazy?! You lied to her!!”
I asked for my phone back—comforted only by the fact that we were surrounded by a good 50 people, He gave it to me. I ran to my car. After 30-minutes of driving around I was pretty sure he wasn’t following me. It was safe to return home.
These are the absolute worst moves you can make. Whether your him, or her…Don’t do them. Ever. If you are dating online, or agreeing to a blind date, you need to understand one key thing before you agree to meet your first time candidate: Some people try to pull some seriously desperate moves just to get that first chance to meet with you in person. Be careful, listen to your instinct. It’s there for a reason.